How to get un-stuck
Divorce your funk, ditch your writer's block, touch grass, find Jesus, etc.
First off, a big thank you to the folks who supported my big announcement on Saturday! It means a lot to me. This letter is free, but if you missed my post about transitioning this newsletter to sit behind a paywall to protect some of my peace, time, and to keep some of that intimacy that made this such a fun corner of the internet in the first place, I’d love for you to catch up on that decision below. ⬇️
Now on to today’s meat & potatoes:
I’ve had many a funk and I’ve written about many a funk here. I’ve had many a writer’s block too— the best letters just pour out of me. I don’t send most of the ones that don’t, or they end up being mini blog updates on my life, nothing too deep.
I sat on last week’s letter for so long I honestly thought I wouldn’t end up sending it! Then something clicked, I edited it, it started firing on the plane I wanted it to, and I hit “schedule” without a second thought or a moment of overthinking— a far cry from the reading and re-reading I did before it was quite right. (Upwards of 30 times.)
I don’t say this to Wizard-of-Oz-you, of course you know that writers here and elsewhere edit and think critically about their work.
Rather, there are a few things I’ve learned work for me time and time again when I’m stuck— and “stuck” usually means stuck in a perspective that isn’t fun or serving me more than it means a time or a place or a certain action being too difficult to complete.
This is my Rx for myself when I’m down bad with a little stuck-ness. I hope it helps you too!
Change of scenery
This can be a hotel lobby, a coffee shop, underneath a tree in your backyard, at a friend’s house, a friend’s office, on a “retreat” you plan for yourself.
I like working at a coffee shop reasonably often for this reason. Being around different people, or people at all, can be really refreshing.
This alone solves for nothing! Remember: wherever you go, there you are. Which is why we do the rest of the things below too :)
Change of body chemistry
I am not even a big gym person but even I know if you want to re-wire your situation, you’ve got to work out.
Walks are great and nice, and hitting 10k steps and some time outside can definitely do the trick…
But as someone who walks a lot, personally I need to push it further. An actual workout makes a difference, ideally in the morning, ideally something that you can feel a little proud of and smug about for the rest of the day.
I like the Peloton upper body strength workouts, and I just start adding in squats as I go. Maybe if my Substack takes off I can finally achieve my dreams and get a personal trainer twice a week.
This is usually the one people disregard the most or are the first to discard, because when you’re stuck, working out sounds absolutely terrible. (I think the stuck part of us knows endorphins will un-stick us and is fighting to holy hell to try to stay stuck!) If you need evidence, just think about the most at-peace, unbothered people you know— they exercise a lot, don’t they?
Change of feedback
I semi-regularly do a “no-phone” in my room thing. At the very least, I don’t allow myself to pick it up or look at it in bed, and definitely not until after I have done my morning reading and my morning journaling. Same goes for my bedtime journaling! This is not unique, I didn’t invent this, obviously. There’s some really good data that shows what happens when you expose your brain to your phone first thing and how it messes with your dopamine and even your appetite & cravings for the day! I also can tell you with absolutely no scientific data but 100% confidence that I will be in a foul mood when I start the day by opening my inbox up to a litany of problems and my first conscious thought of the day is “ugh, not this fucking shit again.”
I’ve written before about the gratitude journal I use, it’s serviceable.
Indulge me a brief tangent on tech and the no-phone thing: I use an analog alarm clock from 1950 and that’s how it should be. I don’t think we need to innovate further on clocks, they’re good, they’ve been good for at least 60 years. If anything I implore us to move backwards and bring back more old clocks and watches. LESS SCREENS 🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️
No Instagram or TikTok app on my phone… ever. I’ve had to break this slightly now that I create & post Instagram content for Prima, but it’s essential! I don’t even let myself have LinkedIn on my phone. I can’t be trusted to not use and abuse these apps! Remove temptation, make life easier. (For this reason I also do not buy cookies, chips, etc! If it’s getting bought, it’s getting eaten! Opting out altogether is the first line of defense when it comes to solid discipline, as you can see with the alarm clock thing.)
I saved the best for last… my reading list. Books, books, books! Just read a few pages in the morning after your exercise and walk. Maybe at your coffee shop or that third place you’re exploring?
About your “craft” & identity
Be Here Now, Ram Dass
The Creative Act, Rick Rubin
The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron
Memoirs that inspire
Let My People Go Surfing, Yvon Chouinard
The Ride of a Lifetime, Bob Iger
Complete and utter distraction, 1000 miles away from your life
Dune, Frank Herbert (boy, did this very old audiobook do it for me)
Harry Potter, all of them, JK Rowling
Narrators who are in worse shape than you are
Martyr, Kaveh Akbar
Big Swiss, Jen Beagin
Rouge, Mona Awad
My Husband, Maud Ventura
I hope this helps, even one iota! I find when I’m un-stuck the ideas flow through me and rise to the surface. I feel motivated and energized about my work, drawn to creative problem solving instead of doomsday panic or despair. I can be intentional about my time and what I want to accomplish with the day rather than being reactive and letting other people’s requests of me run my day.
This is not to say that bad things can’t happen, I can’t get pulled into a work emergency, or that I’d smile or be zen if I got hit by a car. More so that there’s an underlying current of “yes and” when you are in the zone on your mental and physical hygiene— and yes, I am sorry for bringing improv-speak into this.
Here’s a sample of my current routine from Monday (I am very UN-stuck, thank god!):
Solemnly swear to rise at 6, instead up at 6:45
Read in bed for a half hour
Gratitude journal!
Quick Peloton strength class and as many squats as I can do before I get bored
Dressed (stolen sweatshirt from my boyfriend and yoga pants, need to be honest with you here) & some makeup on
Take the dog for a walk (She does amazing! No lunging at other dogs!)
My boyfriend makes me an iced americano with pistachio milk every morning. (Praise be!) I grab it off the kitchen counter like a hungry goblin, scarf down a piece of sourdough piled high with chickpea salad, and get to work
Work, work, work! Meetings, meetings, meetings! I work from my home office and do a brief stint in a sunny corner at my local coffee shop/brewery.
At 4:30 we duck out for a nice long park walk with our puppy
I bake a key lime pie (have wanted to do this for a few weeks but have been put off by knowing I would have to zest and juice each tiny key lime by hand in order to get the measly 2/3 cup of juice I needed)
Make salmon burgers on gluten free brioche buns for dinner with some sweet potato fries and a whipped ramp labneh
I start my second shift of work on my laptop on the couch while I watch Real Housewives of Miami
Showered and in bed at 10:30 (who am I!?!)
Gratitude journal!
Thank you for indulging this day-in-the-life.
I will say one of the things about writing in a gratitude journal so near-constantly is that I’ve realized the things I’m most consistently grateful for and that fill up my cup are not the big milestones or achievements— they’re the tiny mundanities of normal life, accessible to nearly everyone.
Getting coffee with a friend, the first sign of sun when Spring comes, reading a really good book, a new song coming out, the way my dog snuggled up on the couch with me, getting my favorite table at the coffee shop, potting a new plant, laughing at an inside joke with my boyfriend. Keeping track of it all reminds me that everything I need is already all here, right in front of me, every day.
Fin.
And now for a little general catch-up:
I’m so deep into the Magnolia Parks books. (All credit to
!) I had no idea these were self-published and became popular through TikTok until truly last night— I’m on Book 3 and already devastated there are only 2 left. Content warning, these books are like London Gossip Girl— there is crime, drugs, a lot of toxicity in relationships. Definitely not for kids…After I made that key lime pie above you already know what I did with my leftover whipped cream…
I’m following the beauty news closely and it seems like there’s a lot of movement lately. (Shout out to my friend Nate for aggregating all of this in his newsletter.)
Gregg Renfrew bought back “clean” (MLM) Beautycounter and I feel like I’m the only one who cares
Mented cosmetics was acquired by private equity. I didn’t realize they’d stopped fulfilling orders because they couldn’t afford more inventory. (This is very similar/close to the arena I work in— except I work post-acquisition to turn a business around and get it back to growing and grooving.)
Another “sustainable” beauty brand launching from a former finance person, making sheer “lip and cheek” tints that look like Glossier’s. Not sure how I feel about this…!
Speaking of, guess I’m writing off all the AR that Foxtrot owes us…. 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
I got very fun brand mail this week. Thank you to Ghia and their PR team, Isetta, for the treats and to my friend Lauren at Harry’s for sending me an absolute smorgasbord of body wash. 🤍
It’s rare that I get really deep into the “coveting bags” mood, but when it happens it usually happens hard. I can’t stop thinking about this bag from Clare V (or its slightly cheaper younger sister). It’s more money than I think I’ve ever spent on a single item (other than, I don’t know, car parts…) in my life. I probably won’t do it, but I told myself if I hit some big milestones at work or in the newsletter I might allow myself… there’s a Quince version that I suppose is supposed to be a “dupe” of this SKU, but something about it is still slightly off, and truthfully, $130 is still not-nothing! I really am going through a huge Clare V era right now, I want it all. They share my affinity for trucker hats.
Perhaps fitting that
is launching a Substack of her own that I just discovered in this moment?A little surprised Kim Kardashian is having trouble raising for her private equity fund. Interesting part of her stake is held as Favorite Daughter Inc… is that the same favorite daughter inc as her long time family friends, Erin and Sara Foster’s business, Favorite Daughter? If not, feels odd she’d do that. I need someone to investigate.
I have been seeing this brand everywhere and so I finally forked over $3.99 for their sparkling coconut water, even though I think coconut water tastes like a foot. Well, that was $3.99 down the drain. I added key lime zest to it to try to make it palatable but…. still no. A waste of precious key lime zest!!!
Thank you for catching up with me! Next letter will be for paid subscribers only. You can still get 20% off access below. 🤍
TY for sharing the book list!!
Re: future key lime pie baking needs, Nellie and Joe's bottled lime juice is honestly truly excellent... never will I juice a zillion limes again haha